Black

Black is definitely my colour.
Putting on black shirts is the right thing to do for fat people like me.
It helps. It works. It makes fat human look better.
Yesterday, like usual, we're sitting there talking about whatever that comes in our mind.
One of the topic we talked about was colour.
Colour is amazing. It brighten up people's life. Other than that, it also shows one person's emotions.
Some might notice that I'm always in black shirts lately.
What Gary say was, black is the right colour for me.
Why, I asked.
His reply was, your face don't show any feeling at all.
So, this is the reason why black is perfect for me.

I'm sorry I'm such a BLACK person.
Not only black. I'm BLUE as well.
I don't see bright colours lately.
Even the sky.
Everytime I look up, I see grey sky.
It's not the bright blue sky I love to see anymore.
Rain. If you find me walking in the rain, don't bother.
You might not even recognize it's me.

During the night, I see dark sky.
Again. It's black.
However, there're still moon and stars.
I love them.
I can sit alone anywhere (which allow me to), look up and stare at them as long as I want to.
I know. They will always be there for me.
And better still if he is there with me when I'm looking up at the sky.
At this moment, there's only one thing, one person who's in my mind.

I'm bored of listening to people telling me what to do.
What's not worth?
Not worth waiting?
Not worth doing so much for you?
Not worth wasting my time on you?
Do you think that I'm wasting my time?
Seriously?
I'm such an idiot.
You appreciate what I've done.
You're touched.
So?
Right. We're friends.
I know I know!
FRIENDS is another fuck word.
It's true that the only time I feel happy is the time when you're around.
I can't ignore my feelings right?
I am a person with heart.
I have feelings !
I can lie to the whole world that I'm happy without you but I just can't lie to my own feelings, can I?
Even my dreams.
Dreams can be nonsense at times.
But not for this period.
I had been dreaming about the same person for this past 2 weeks.
What the hell is wrong?
I miss you. Is it wrong?
I care for you. Is it wrong as well?
I need you. Wrong also?

Sometimes.
I really wish that my dad would leave me alone.
I want to put myself in my room and please, just let me rot in this damn room. I'm sick of my life.
Paint my room black.
Turn off the light.
Turn on the music to the maximum volume so that no one hear me scream.

My life. No lie. It's black.
Reading my blog?
Welcome to my life.